Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
