Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
