well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I checked into jail on foursquare
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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