is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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