I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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