Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
