My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
