Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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