we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
