We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
