In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
