I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
