I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
