She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Randomize
