ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
