I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
