I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
