I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize