Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
