i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
