Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
