They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
