theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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