my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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