someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
