i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He has the fingertips of a God
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