I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
