i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
