i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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