I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
