How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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