Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
