I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
