Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
