I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
