Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Nicole vs. Life
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
