just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
it's not cheating when I paid for it
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Randomize
