Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
