you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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