I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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