so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
