can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Sober January is a disaster.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
