TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
