there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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