I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
