are you still at the devil's house?
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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