Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Never let your siblings swipe right.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
