I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
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