just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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