Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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