Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I think I won the penis lottery.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
