so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
