My cat gives me a boner
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
