i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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