she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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