apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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