Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
