I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
