things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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