got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize