Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
