your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
