3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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