I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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