Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
