I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
