She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize