Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You need a sexual gate keeper
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
