she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
