I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
