I've blown a few things in my day
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm just crazy horny about you
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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