I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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