After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize