New low: just hacked my moms facebook
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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