I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
