Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize