Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
