I have demons in me.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
