epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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