Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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