No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
