I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize