That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
