how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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