so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
