I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
