you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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