then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
