Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
