So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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