"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
